DARK AND LIGHT TAMING CAVE YETI MOVIE

I hope I made you proud!įilm resumes, with a censor bar over Rebecca's dad's genitals Rebecca's Dad: Can't you see that I need you? ( Freeze-frame on his face) Hi there, I'm in an incest porn called The Taming of Rebecca! This one's for you, Mom and Dad. Snob (VO): Yikes, her dad is Jim Croce! I didn't know Leroy Brown was that bad. Now continue on with your story of incest.įlashback to the incest, with our first look at Rebecca's father Snob: The correct way to say it is that today is Father's Day. ( In Miss Zorda's office) I'm sorry, is this taking place during the ( Points to an American flag) Revolutionary War all of a sudden? This must be the school, and they better hurry so the crew from Burnt Offerings can get in. Snob (VO): Careful there, the director's box ( Green highlight over.) of cocaine accidentally got in the shot.

Snob: Um, unless Michael Myers is driving, shouldn't it be playing 'Don't Fear the Reaper' right about now? Snob (VO): After that phone call, Rebecca now has a meeting to attend a school for troubled girls.Īs Rebecca drives, we hear the Halloween II version of the theme from Halloween Snob: Incest, whoo! Breaking out the big guns, aren't we? Don't get too sexy in the first two minutes! Snob (VO): And after all the bitching about The Simpsons, I can't say I expected Barbara Bush to be in this. Snob: Calm down? All she said was her name!

Rebecca: Hello, Miss Zorda? Miss Zorda (Stella Stevens): Yes? Rebecca: Hi, it's Rebecca. Something seems to be troubling her though. It's shots like this when I begin to wonder if she even knows that she's in a movie. From the music I can't tell if that's Michael Myers watching her or if it's a crew member. I see she's running late for her Satan's School for Girls audition. Snob: Ah, the age-old rule of filmmaking: if you can't hire John Carpenter to do your score, then just use his music anyway! Ha! ( poster of.) Ain't that right, Fantasy Mission Force? The film's title, in a fancy font, zooms in word-by-word, with a synthesized score that suspiciously sounds like the Halloween theme. ( back to the title) One thing is confusing me about these credits though. ( film clip) She's kind of like Stella Stevens, only her last name has a dick. Snob (VO): They've got the trusty hand of Stella Steves on set with them. In opening credits: 'Associate Producer & Technical Adviser STELLA STEVES'

DARK AND LIGHT TAMING CAVE YETI MOVIE

Snob: Wait, Avon? You telling me my mom sold this movie door-to-door in our old neighborhood? Well, that explains why the neighborhood kids beat me up! And here I thought it was because I ratted them out for doing drugs! Snob (VO): Oh, wait a minute, ' AVGN PRESENTS?' ( credit replays) Oh, 'AVON PRESENTS.' In this day and age, we call it Internet reviewing.įilm starts with the dark red text 'AVON PRESENTS' zooming towards the viewer Snob: The Meese Commission was a 1980s group of dirty old men who needed an excuse to watch a shitload of pornography and call it an investigation. Snob (VO): The Meese Commission even cited the film as one of the most extreme examples of violent pornography - ( cover of This Ain't Smurfs XXX) that is, unless you count The Smurfs porn.

Zoom out from the front cover of the Attorney General's Commission on Pornography, Final Report - June 1986 That could be a roughie, or.congratulations, you've just been accepted into our fraternity! Well, go stand in front of a mirror, ( starts to the make appropriate motions) punch yourself in the nose, jerk off with your own blood - without breaking eye contact - then have your girlfriend suck your tongue out through your asshole. Snob: 'What exactly is a roughie?' you may ask. Snob (VO): The Taming of Rebecca is often known as one of the roughest 'roughies' of all time. The Cinema Snob: Whoo! It's about time that Rebecca got what was coming to her! ( chuckles a little) Who the fuck is Rebecca?!Ī shot of Rebecca (Sharon Mitchell) and Dean Minindao (George Payne)

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